Saturday, December 27, 2008

Emotional Time

So I cry at everything right now but it is a happy cry. I am crying at Brokeback Mountain, The Bucket List, When Adam looks at me sweet, and when Hudson smiles when he has Gas. I know this is hormonal but I also know that there is a feeling I have never felt before. Joy. Adam showed me and brought me Love like I have never known before. Unconditional and everlasting. Hudson has brought me sheer joy. Joy to watch him, hold him, and just be near him. I have never had Love and Joy and I feel like the luckiest person on earth. I can only try my hardest now to give that back to them both and everyone else. It is amazing 10 days after my son is born nothing else matters. The vacuuming, the dog hair, the work and money worries everyone has, just all the little things seemed to have melted away.

On a side note too I am feeling much better as the swelling is going down, my face is returning to a somewhat normal size, and 20lbs has melted away but I wonder if I can get the other 50 to go with it. That is on our list for the next few months. I am still having a lot of trouble with the fact I can't get my hands wrapped around this breastfeeding thing. It makes me feel awful I can't start this without a lot of manipulation physically and overall discomfort on my end that will end up with me just pumping every 2-3 hours and then bottlefeeding him what I pump out. It also makes me feel awful that if I start that I will have to stop in about 2 months as the timing and my job and the environment is just not conducive to pumping and the little things that go along with that like cleaning, freezing, and overall being flexible with time...not a sales environment with meeting after meeting and calls all day long.

Hudson will be fine on Formula but the one thing I really wanted to do for him early on I just can't do and can't figure out how to do even with the help of lots of lactation consultants and doctors. They all say it is what it is and to just not worry about it but it does cause me some concern and sad feelings. However, I told Hudson I would make it up to him and buy him a car instead when he is 16. Not sure what kind of car (maybe a match box car) but a car. I also figure what I can't give him now I can give him other things like his dad's feeding time and love during this time, a happier tummy for the moment, and a less stressed mommy. Anyway that is all for today. Daddy made us waffles and ham in bed while Hudson eats and coos. he did however last night have very little to no fussy time and also peed right on me once again during sponge bath time, which when will mommy learn warm wash clothes will make anyone pee.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas...we did and we are looking forward to New Year's and Virginia Tech kicking butt.

1 comment:

  1. hey guys - hope you are doing well. i still cry all the time and wonder where the last year has gone. soak in every minute....